Total Cornball wears a Final Fantasy shirt at the Final Fantasy String Orchestra

PORTLAND — Immediately introducing his extremely serious fandom to everyone in the vicinity, local Final Fantasy String orchestra concert attendee Josh Baker disrupted an otherwise tasteful event by wearing his Final Fantasy shirt as he sat in the crowd.

“I was sitting right next to him and I couldn’t believe it,” said Spencer McClosky, another attendee. “It’s just a shame people can’t dress up for the occasion, but I guess a big part of the concert experience is scanning the audience for potential strangers to poke fun at, so I can’t complain too much. For my part, I took the smart route and wore this long sleeve with a graphic that references a Japan-exclusive SNES RPG. Can you guess what that is? is? Do you know? Guess, go ahead. Please?”

Sandra Malloy, violinist with the company’s touring orchestra, was also disappointed by Baker’s obviously obnoxious fashion choice.

“If I see one more mouth breather in a bootleg live alive shirt I’m going to puke,” Malloy said. “I couldn’t tell you how many times on this tour I’ve looked up from the pit to see guys glancing around the room doing guns when they see they’re wearing the same Game logo tee. You are at a video game music orchestra, do you want to stop trying so hard to outdo people? Just show up in anything that looks normal, neatly ironed, and devoid of any Dorito crumbs. This is where the bar is.

The accused himself, Josh Baker, seemed blissfully unaware of his crimes.

“I had a great time, but I felt bad because the guy sitting next to me looked really uncomfortable,” said Baker, already wearing the new tour shirt he bought tonight. -there on top of the other. Final Fantasy shirt in which he had arrived. “I think he must have bad hemorrhoids or something?” Not to be graphic, but it definitely looked like there was something wrong with her ass from the look on her face. Hope he has more fun next time!

At press time, Baker was reportedly on the hunt for his friend who was kicked out of the concert for moshing too hard at Liberi Fatali.

Elizabeth J. Harless